An Ordinary Mother

Katrina Katrinka was like any other ordinary mother with two kids, a station wagon, and a 60 foot tall crane in her back yard. The crane just showed up one morning. A construction company was building an apartment building down the street. One day the company went bankrupt, and left their crane in Mrs. Katrinka's back yard. They just went bankrupt, and left her with a 60 foot tall crane in her back yard.

Mrs. Katrinka didn't know what to do at first. But then she had an idea. She called the sanitation department in her town to come around and pick up the 60 foot tall crane. If you have an old couch, an old table, an old refrigerator, or an old washing machine, you can call the sanitation department, and they'll come around and pick it up.

You can guess what the sanitation department had to say about Mrs. Katrinka's crane. "Sorry, ma'am. We don't pick up 60 foot tall cranes. Old couches, old tables, old refrigerators, and old washing machines are fine. Large, 60 foot tall cranes are not fine."

Mrs. Katrinka was not the type of ordinary mother who lets a 60 foot tall crane sit around in her back yard. No, sirree. Not that type of ordinary mother at all.

So she bought a large wrench, and climbed up the tall 60 foot crane. She carefully climbed out onto the horizontal part of the crane, and unbolted one of the end sections. She happily climbed down and carried the steel section into her basement.

Her neighbors peered over the fence, wondering what on earth could this ordinary mother be doing with a steel section of crane in her basement. What the neighbors didn't know was that Mrs. Katrinka also bought an excellent power saw. This saw could cut through the toughest, hardest steel.

Day after day, Mrs. Katrinka would take one more section from the crane, carrying it carefully down into her basement. And night after night, she cut those sections up into little bits. These little bits of steel were easy enough to hide in her regular trash.

Some of the bits she stuffed in empty cans of tuna fish. Other bits she stuffed in the middle of over-ripe watermelons. And other bits she hid inside old smelly socks.

But it's hard to hide a full 60 foot crane in your day to day trash. You could hide a 20 foot crane, or a 30 foot crane. But a 60 foot crane is just too big to easily hide in the trash.

So Mrs. Katrinka started painting the sections of crane she took down each day. She painted them, and then welded them into interesting sorts of sculptures. When her basement became too full of sculptures, she set the sculptures out in her back yard.

It didn't take long for people to flock from all over the neighborhood to see Mrs. Katrinka's sculptures. One day, one of her neighbors walked right up her front steps and asked if she might buy one of the sculptures.

Well, Mrs. Katrinka didn't know what to say. She didn't make the sculptures to sell. She made the sculptures because it's hard to hide all the bits of a 60 foot crane in your trash.

On the very day that she took down the last section of the crane, the man who used to own the construction company came back to pick up his crane. "Sorry, sir," Mrs. Katrinka said.

"The crane you left in my back yard is no longer here anymore. It's hiding in empty cans of tuna fish, over-ripe watermelons, and old smelly socks. If you want to put it back together, you'll have to go looking through lots of empty tuna fish cans, over-ripe watermelons, and old socks."

"Well, ma'am," said the construction company man. "I really shouldn't have left that 60 foot crane in your back yard. It wasn't the right thing to do, and I'd like to apologize to you."

Mrs. Katrinka looked the man up and down. He looked as if he was genuinely sorry for what he had done.

"Oh, all right," Mrs. Katrinka said. "If you'd like to take home some of the 60 foot crane you left in my back yard, it's sitting right over there in those six sculptures."

"Six sculptures?" said the man, in wonder.

"Yes, six sculptures," replied Mrs. Katrinka. "Mrs. Olney down the street bought the seventh sculpture last week for $200."

"Well, the least I can do is buy the other six sculptures, at the same price," the man whispered gently.

"No. I'm sorry. That won't do," replied Mrs. Katrinka. "I can't sell all six of those sculptures. They mean too much to me now."

"But I tell you what. If you want to buy five of them, I won't complain too loudly about that. You can't expect me to give up all my wonderful sculptures to some stranger who left a 60 foot crane in my back yard."

"Yes, ma'am. It's too much to expect an ordinary mother to give up all six sculptures she made from a 60 foot tall crane that a total stranger left in her back yard."

As Mrs. Katrinka took the man's money, she laughed, "Besides, I need to keep at least one sculpture to show my grandchildren. They'll never believe this story if I didn't have at least one of the sculptures left to show them..."

Miri and the Gardener

The sun shines on the magic forest. It also shines on a giant oak tree, many centuries old. It’s in this tree that Miri’s family lives. Miri is a young Fairy, she’s very small, barely a few centimeters(A couple of inches) like all the fairies of her race.
 Miri loves that tree with the many cavities sculpted with art and dedication. But with the respect for the survival of the living tree, of course.
The problem is that poor Miri is suffering from a mysterious illness. The magician healer was very upset. He had never encountered any such sickness before. He searched the memory books left by previous magician-healers to no avail unfortunately.
The little fairy, courageously continued to believe, in spite of her suffering, that she would heal. Winter was long for little Miri who, from her bed entertained her friends. She could not stand sorrow so she kept her morale up. With spring came a hope, as fragile as the eggs in the nest.
The healer had discovered a cure. But it was the powder that rests on the wings of butterflies. Hundreds maybe even thousands of butterflies,would be needed to harvest sufficient quantities for the medicine for Miri. Miri’s father was at the inn with his friend. He was discussing the problem of which no one seemed to know the solution. It was a sad day for Miri’s father.
A stranger seated at a neighboring table, approached them discreetly as the custom prescribes. He told Miri’s father; ”I think I can help heal your daughter”.
“Stranger, if you can accomplish that, I’ll give you everything you want”
“I have no need for everything, all I need is work.”
“Are you a healer?”
“No a gardener, if you hire me I guarantee that your daughter will be healed by the end of summer."
The honest tone and truthful gaze in the eyes of the gardener convinced Miri’s father to give him a chance. He had nothing to loose and Miri all to win...
From her window, Miri looked at the gardener work, an old man with the precise movements acquired along a lifetime dedicated to the love of plants. The gardener planted lilac trees in many shades. He even planted unknown plants, bushes and flowers with strange, mysterious names that brings visions of exotic places.
The old man told Miri that soon, he assured her, it would translate into a symphony of colors and textures that will perfume the air. He had such a pleasurable expression as he said it, that Miri was certain “HE” could smell it already. Miri observed as the young sprout escaped the soil, as the tender green shoots grew. Soon flower buds appeared followed by the most beautiful blooms.
The gossipers were having a good time. “Shameful, he buys himself a garden while his daughter, poor girl, lay sick and all. Shameful, I tell you.”
Then one warm day, attracted by the selected flowers butterflies came, more and more of them kept coming to invade the garden. The gardener installed a lawn chairs in the clearing and installed Miri comfortably in it.
Miri received a shower of the powder falling from the wings of the butterflies. The powder was of many colors shining in the sun. The rays of the sun reflected in the fine powder.
The clearing was bathed in the light and in that light Miri’s healing… In a week Miri was cured. Her delicate wings shone brightly again. Her face had regained her healthy colors and above all her smile was resplendent.
And this is how Miri got her name: “MIRI THE BUTTERFLY FAIRY”

The Three Cats

One day there were three cats. A white cat, a black cat, and a brown cat. The white cat said "I'm bored. I don't have anyone to play with." The black cat said "I'm bored. I don't have anyone to play with." The brown cat said "I'm bored. I don't have anyone to play with." So they decided to meet at the park. When they got there, they didn't know what to do. The brown cat wanted to roll in the mud, but the black cat wanted to roll in some coal, but the white cat wanted to chase birds. So they had to agree on something. So they agreed to go for a walk. On their way walk they saw a man fixing the phone wires, a man fixing the road, and a man painting his house green. So they stopped walking and started watching him. When he went in to have lunch they knocked over all the paint right on them.When they got home their owners didn't recognize them, so they met at the park again. The black cat said "We need to think of a way to get in our homes." While they were thinking the black cat thought of a way to get in their homes, to rinse themselves off in the river. So she said " We could wash ourselves in the river and get the paint off of us so that our owners will recognize us." So that's what they did but when they got out they were wet. But when they got home their owners recognized them. The owners were happy to see their cats and the cats were happy to see their owners.			*
The End

The Spirit

The Wee One, sat in her thinking place, puzzling. The purple hyacinths grew behind the moss covered rock she sat upon.   She was wondering if what she wanted to do was the right thing.  The longer she sat  in her thinking spot, the more she believed her idea was a good one. With her mind made up to do something she had never done before, the tiny fae  took flight on golden wings. The fae flitted high into the air over the giant oaks and beyond the meadow.  She   fluttered down on the shore of the Sparkling Lake.  The Wee One walked from one stone to another, towards a very large rock.  It stood above the others, like a beacon.   She hesitated for a moment before whispering to the stone.    Suddenly it appeared to rise a little into the air.  The Wee One walked under the stone.  A  golden box sat beneath it.  Quickly she lifted the lid of the box.   A Spirit filled the tiny crystal box the fae now held in her hand.  As the fae walked out from under the great stone, it settled down once again.  Without a moment’s hesitation she took to the air.  The fae flitted to her home in the ancient oak,  the crystal box now safely in her pocket. Once home, the Wee One set the box on her  mushroom  table.   The fireflies gathered overhead.  The crystal box glittered like diamonds.    With trembling hands the Wee One opened the box.  Suddenly, before her stood a beautiful Spirit. “Will you help me?” The Wee One pleaded.  The Spirit did not  so  much speak, as it thought.  The Wee One knew, the Spirit would help her.   “We shall begin our journey now,” the spirit thought.  *poof*   In a twinkling, both the Spirit and the Wee One were transported to a city, in the Land of Real. The Wee  One was not prepared for what she saw when they materialized.  It was a place   that had things called buildings.  Some of the buildings were as tall as the  Magic Mountain.  The air smelled odd and tasted funny.  There was not a tree or flower to be seen.  “I am frightened,” the fae whispered to the Spirit. “Is this where the children come from?” “Yes,”  the Spirit replied.  The Wee One shivered a bit, but the Spirit thought, “It will be okay, I’m with you.”  “Now quickly before it gets light open your pouch and do what you have come to do.”  The Wee One reached deep into her pouch and gathered a handful of faerie dust.  With the Spirit by her side, she sprinkled the magic dust everywhere.  When they had finished the Spirit thought again.  “You have done well wee fae, for a first effort; now watch!”  Quietly,  a gentle rain began to fall.  The Spirit smiled, for the sprinkles began to grow flowers and trees everywhere they settled. As the sun began to rise the city was ablaze with the color of beautiful flowers, twining green vines and stately trees.  From far beyond the  city  a rainbow appeared and held the city  in its arc.  The Spirit thought.  “It will make them happy wee fae, it truly  will.”   In a twinkle the Wee One and the Spirit sat together on a spire overlooking the city.   They   watched, as the children, the young and the old came out of their houses.  All looked about them with smiles and wonder.  The city was now bursting with  the beauty of flowers and the songs of birds in the young trees. “It is time to go now,” the Spirit thought.  The Wee One nodded her head. *poof*  In a twinkle the two friends were back on the shore of the Sparkling Lake.   The Spirit returned to the golden box beneath the magic rock.  The Wee One sighed to see the Spirit go, but she knew the Spirit would always be present  for those in need of her.   In a whisper the Wee One said, “thank you  for helping me... Hope.”

A good night story

A long time ago and far away, there was a small town where no one could sleep. It was, however, a typical town were parents worked during the day and kids played and went to school as usual. At night, the inhabitant of the town tried to rest by either sitting or lying down, but couldn't sleep even for a single moment, no matter how tired they were. So everybody used to talk and chat during the nights. After all this talking their tongues got tired and the words refuse to flow. They all ended full up silence, and wearied from looking at the walls. All of this happened every night, so we can imagine how they feel.

One day they decided to ask for help. They went to see Ms. Hope. She was a wise elderly woman who lived at the other side of the mountains. Ms. Hope got her wisdom through the years lived, the books she read, and her contact with nature. Ms. Hope listened to her friend's woes, unlike them; she was able to sleep placidly. However, she wasn't able to explain to them how it happens. Therefore she resolved to look for an answer.

That evening, she went to the fields. Once there she found out that the animals lay down and closed their eyes after getting a convenient place to spend the night. The wise elderly woman came back with the news. The town people agree to do as the animals do. To look for a comfortable place to rest, lie down and close their eyes. All of them did it. But, ended up just as bored. The only difference was that now their eyes were closed.

When the morning came, they all went back to see Ms. Hope, and told her what had happened. The wise elderly woman went back to the fields to find out how animals fall asleep. She tried to speak with those that had their eyes shut, but some did not even hear her. Some woke up angry because she disturbed their sleep. To those who woke up she asked, "how do you fall asleep? " But no one was able to explain how. She left the place quietly. Because she did not want to disturb those who have not heard her or the ones that went back to sleep. She walked to the river and sat on its bank to meditate. All of a sudden she saw the light of a glow-worm and heard the sweetest voice she ever heard.

“I have the answer to your question”, said the glow-worm.
“I will be very glad if you tell me, because it will make my friends happy.”
“True happiness comes when you make other people happy. Happiness is like my light; it glows brighter when children and adults look at me with love.”
“But, you were going to give me the answer?”
“Oh! Yes, you need the answer! Well, the answer is to have the gift of fantasy.”
“Where can I get it?”
“Place your hands under my wings, when I flap them, you will receive the dream and fantasy pollen. I picked it up from the flowers that at night are showered with stardust and cuddle with the silver moonlight. Spread it onto your friends eyelids and you will see them dreaming”.
“Dreaming…” whispered Ms. Hope.

Then the glow-worm told her, "Dreaming is the magic of life.It is to look deep inside us. It's letting our imagination roam free in our mind.

The glow-worm flutters its wings. Ms. Hope spread her hands to collect the dream and fantasy pollen.

“Thanks for this beautiful gift. I will take it to my friends”, said the woman to the glow-worm.

The glow-worm blinked its light twice to give regards to Ms. Hope and said good-bye.

And that was how Ms. Hope's neighbors managed to sleep and to dream. Since then, the children dream with starry ways and new worlds filled with adventures. Parents dream with love, happiness and peace. Ms. Hope also dreams. She keep on working, studying and dreaming. Her friends call her Poet. She is always looking for new ways of making her dreams come true.

Let’s Talk About My Potty Mouth

Sooooo….can we talk curse words for a minute?

I have been cussing on my blog since I very first started blogging back in 2009.  As M+BL grew, I started getting emails like this:

“You are so awesome, I love you so much, but why do you have to cuss, can you please stop?”

To which I would reply: “I never curse at a person or use my words to hurt anyone, I only curse to be funny.  I curse to myself when I stub my toe, or curse at my blender when it stops working and I am trying to make something for my kid.”

According to Catholicism, it’s a sin to curse AT a person and to use words in a hurtful way, but it is not a sin to curse and use the words in communication to simply communicate or tell a story.

Thing is, a lot of Protesants (a large grouping of Christians, ie: Anglicans, Baptists, Lutherans, Methodists, and Presbyterians) believe that any type of cursing is a sin, whether you are using the words to be funny or to actually hurt someone.  I just found this out, since I am Catholic (albeit I am not devout and tend to be a little bit too liberal to fit in well).

Once I found that out, I realized why people were getting so upset about it! I just couldn’t understand what the big deal was before!

The other week I got a comment on the M+BL Facebook page that was not very nice.  She told me she was not going to buy my cookbook because I curse on the blog.   And that I “looked so nice in my pictures, but that nice looks don’t make up for a dirty mouth.”  Then a couple of other people commented on it saying things like “Yeah! I agree!”. And one even said she reported me to the LDS church.  I guess there is an LDS magazine that recommended my cookbook or something.

In typical fashion, I responded: “You are welcome to do what you want with your money, you don’t have to be here, no one does.  But for the record, I don’t just look nice, I AM nice. And FYI, bullying me and threatening me is NOT nice.”

I never curse in front of my child or at my child, or at any one human, animal, or plant. I never use my words to hurt someone. Now my words may be hurtful to some when I use them to tell the truth.  I am known for telling it straight. So I will tell you exactly how I feel about you, even if it may hurt a bit to hear the truth.

Some people have said that I come off crude, ungraceful, or uneducated by using cuss words.

Calah, from the blog Patheos, has a great article about why she, as a devout Catholic and highly educated woman and mom, loves to cuss.  She could not have explained her – or my own – feelings any better:

I really do love certain cuss words. “Hell” is a particular favorite of mine. So is “shit”. And nothing has quite the same pizazz as a well-placed “asshat.” And yet, you don’t see blog posts from me chock full of profanity. This post has more profanity in it than I usually use in a month. When I use those words, it’s because of the connotation they have. It’s because there’s a certain je ne sais quoi about them in whatever sentence I happen to be constructing that cannot be duplicated by using another word. I know this, because I always reach for the less offensive word first, particularly because I know some people are very sensitive to cussing. (Sorry, Mom.) I strongly disagree with those who say that using those words means I can’t think of another way to express myself. I can think of other ways, but no other way would express it just right. A less colorful, less accurate word chosen solely on the chance that the word I mean might offend someone doesn’t cut it for me. In fact, I love language enough to say what I really mean and not dance around it with lackluster substitutes.

But I don’t want to be the kind of person who just says, “No, you are wrong and I am right, and I will keep on cursing and that is the end of that”.  So I have contemplated this subject for almost a year. I asked advice from friends, collegues, and Catholic mamas who I respect, trying to decide if I would stop cursing on M+BL and even go back to edit all of my past posts that have curse words in them.

In case anyone is curious, I probably drop one curse word a week, if that. Now if you were talking to me in person, and you are a close friend, it might be 2 curse words per sentence depending on what we’re talking about. I have always loved telling stories, and I love to get animated, use colorful language to entertain, and make someone laugh or engage them in my story. It shouldn’t be a secret; curse words sometimes help do that.

Here is what I have come up with as a compromise, because while I don’t believe I am sinning, I do not want to hurt or offend anyone and I do take your concerns to heart:

• I will not drop an F-bomb in this space ever again.  The only time I have ever used the F-word in a post was in my  and that will stay.  There is absolutely no other word that can describe what I was feeling when I was in my bathroom, as the miscarriage began, tears streaming down my face, anger boiling up within and me thinking (to myself) that it is F****** BULLSHIT that I am about to give birth to a dead baby. But other than that post, you will not see that word here ever.
• I won’t use the words asshole or bitch either. Even though they can be SO funny sometimes.
• These are the curse words I will use on very rare occasions when truly no other word will convey what I want: shit, crap, hell, and damn. 

I will do my best to substitute those words with things like you-know-what, hoot, dern, darn, heck, etc.  But if those words do not convey and tell the story with the kind of emphasis that it needs I will use a curse word.

You can rest assured that I will never curse at child, animal, or person.  I am not saying I am perfect and that I have never said something mean to a person or about a person. I have called my husband an a-hole on several occasions in our almost decade of being together, and I have called some women the b word, not to their face, but when confiding in my husband or a close friend about that person’s behavior, but I go to confession like a good Catholic and I know that is wrong. I am sorry for it and have done things to right that sin.

Also FYI, I do not curse in front of a child or take the Lord’s name in vain. Again, I am not perfect and there have been slip ups, but on a whole, it’s of my moral constitution to not curse in front of child or take the Lord’s name in vain. When Penelope starts developing her own story telling and communication style, I plan on being very honest and direct with her. I will let her know cursing is not a sin, but that she will need to be respectful of her surroundings and of course I will teach her that it is a sin to curse AT someone. I might feel very differently about all of this the day Penelope starts dropping an f-bomb when she stubs her toe at the house, but for now this is the plan.

Part of my decision to continue to curse is that this website is not a pretty, cleaned up version of me.  It’s just me. I have always been blessed with the ability to be real and tell the truth.  I don’t know how to function any other way.  When communicating I don’t know how to lie, or filter, or tone things down, or beat around the bush.  I don’t have time for that shit!  I have things to do!  A family to tend to, dreams to fullfill.  If you come across me, you are gonna get me.

So for now the cursing stays but I will keep it to the absolute bare minimum, but I am gonna keep being me.

And like Ellen says, my haters are my motivators.  Like Ellen, even though I am not perfect and I don’t fit in a pretty little box that sometimes people want me to stay in,  I am all about love and kindness to all humans, telling the truth and keeping it real.

I hope this post and my compromises makes you feel better if you don’t like it when I curse, and I hope that you will stick around regardless of a few damns, hells and shits around here, because there is so much good stuff here!  If not, I understand, and this is not the community for you and I wish you well.

You Must Read to Your Daughter

So now we have a baby daughter. Look how she slumbers. She doesn’t even know that I stay up at night worrying about her self-image. And, oh horrors! What if someday she wants to read Stephanie Meyer’s literary atrocity, theTwilight series? You know the one, the books featuring a non-descript female protagonist who, in addition to having no interests or talents of any kind (other than smelling delicious to a sparkly 100-year-old vampire), is helpless, boring, and basically suicidal when her 100-year-old sparkly vampire boyfriend breaks up with her? Yeah, those books. So, I’m coming up with a reading list containing female characters that could put a smack down on Bella Swan any day of the week and reveal what a real woman looks like.

1. The Anne Books by Lucy Maud Montgomery: Anne of Green Gables and the 7 sequels that complete the series were a staple of my childhood. Anne is fantastic. She’s clever, charming, resourceful, imaginative (to a fault), and hysterically funny. And she goes to college and gets a BA during the Edwardian era. So that’s impressive. I actually saw the miniseries first and read the books later. IMPORTANT: Anne of Green Gables the film and Anne of Green Gables the sequel (Anne of Avonlea) are wonderful but for Pete’s sake DO NOT watch Anne the Continuing Story. Pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s an absurd and wretched thing that dishonors the very name of Anne. Really. Part of you will die.

2. The Little House Series by Laura Ingalls Wilder: I was probably a little too obsessed with the Little House books in my day. I may or may not have worn lace-up black boots, braids, and read under an old-timey quilt next to an antique hurricane lamp most of the time between the ages of 6 and 8. File this one under the category of “capable women doing cool stuff.” Laura Ingalls is awesome, obvi.

3. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott: I have a distinct memory of finishing the last pages of Louisa May Alcott’s finest mere minutes before heading to the theatre to see the 1994 film on Christmas Day with my mom. What girl doesn’t adore the awkward and gutsy Jo March? I have to confess though that when I read it last year I realized I’m probably more like Amy—not because I have the slightest visual artistic talent but because we’re both selfish. I love that each of the four sisters are so different and yet each one exudes a positive kind of femininity, although, to be fair, Meg’s “I-don’t-worry-my-pretty-little-head-about-it” attitude isn’t quite what I have in mind for my daughter. Warning: after reading this I was rather bitter that I didn’t have sisters. Just a heads up.

4. The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling: You’d be hard pressed to find a book series with better female characters. There’s a quote swimming around the internet attributed to Stephen King: “Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” I concur. I love that Rowling can depict a strong, brave, capable, intelligent, and compassionate woman in such a variety of characters: a middle-aged stay-at-home mom of seven, a pink-haired dark wizard catcher, an elderly spinster teacher, and an overachieving teenaged student, to name a few.  If my girl emulates Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Minerva McGonagal, or, of course, my beloved Molly Weasley, I’ll be a happy mama. And it doesn’t hurt that the whole plot pivots around the sacrifice of one amazing mother (Lily Potter) for her son. Anyone who’s down on these books can’t have read them.

5. Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis: This complex book is a retelling of the Cupid and Psyche myth and Orual, the main character (Psyche’s older unattractive sister), is an incredibly complex character. It’s not so much that Orual should be a role model, but her spiritual journey is worth reading and the book is sure to lead to some good discussions about what a good woman should be. It’s notable that Lewis had lots of help from his wife, Joy Davidman, when writing this book. Otherwise, it’s hard to imagine how a man could be so amazingly insightful about a woman’s mind.

6. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien: OK, so definitely not a girlie book (not that any book in this list has an exclusively female audience), and there’s very few female characters. However, the ones it depicts are fantastic. Galadriel? Eowyn? Yes, please. The book also exudes so many virtues that it seems hardly possible that having completed it your daughter will care two cents about Stephanie Whats-Her-Name. See? I can’t even remember because I’ve read Lord of the Rings. Also, it’s full of real men which is an important thing for a girl to be able to recognize. I’ll take Faramir, thanks.

7. Anything Jane Austen wrote: Want your daughter to know a thing or two about interesting women? Read all six of these novels to her. After reading them, one should know exactly what kind of woman to be and what kind of woman to avoid. Elizabeth Bennet has more clever things to say in one page of P&P than Bella Swan could mumble in her entire miserable existence. And none of Austen’s heroine’s decide to curl up and die when they’re “crossed in love.” Philosopher Alasdair McIntyre supposedly said, “I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Jane Austen.” I quite agree.

8. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte: A plain little orphan stands up to terrible relatives, survives a childhood of neglect and abuse, strengthens her mind with education, is the intellectual match of one of the most imposing and fascinating male characters in British literature, and makes the prettiest girl in the county look like a spineless nothing in comparison, among other impressive exploits. Supposedly, Charlotte Bronte bet her sisters (and fellow authoresses) that she could write a successful novel around a female character that was neither pretty nor charming. She won, obvi.

9. A Girl of the Limberlost by Gene Stratton Porter: Lesser-known book published in 1909, but a real treat. Stratton-Porter’s main character, Elnora Comstock, is so wonderful and endearing. Also she collects moths, so that’s cool (or at least Phillip Ammon thinks so). The prequel, Freckles, is also charming and delightful.

10. Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset: This three-part saga by Norwegian author Sigrid Undset won the Nobel prize for literature and is one of the finest works you will ever read with a female protagonist rarely paralleled. Kristin is an amazingly human character with as much depth as any female literary character I have encountered. Her spiritual journey is fascinating and the saga is set in 14th century Scandanavia which makes it way more awesome to my medieval-loving heart. However, there are some sexual themes which might make it inappropriate for younger girls. Absolutely worth reading and discussing.

At three months, I don’t think Baby Lucy is ready to dive into these, yet. In the mean time, this mama will be praying lots of rosaries. Anybody else have so many more worries about raising a girl?

Did I leave anything out? What are your recommendations? Any advice on how to raise strong, capable, intelligent, compassionate, confident women? I’m all ears…

Growing a Family on One Income

I get all riled up about claims that raising children costs millions. Could you spend a million dollars on a child? Sure. You can also spend over $100,000 on a Versailles-inspired Neiman Marcus chicken coop. But that would be unreasonable. Yes, kids aren’t cheap, but having a large family doesn’t have to be a financial impossibility.

Granted, each family’s situation is different and living off one income with a growing family isn’t a possibility for many no matter how hard they try to make it work. Yet, it’s often possible to maintain a family on one income. It does require great creativity and you simply won’t look like the average American family. We’re not financial wizards by any means, but we do practice some simple, common sense ways to keep our expenses down. I thought I’d start a series of posts about how we make it work and our efforts to live simply and frugally so that I can be primarily a stay-at-home mama with our growing family of three little ones.

I’m not of the opinion that it’s the right choice (or even possible) for every mama to stay home, but I do believe that life centered around the home is valuable (for women AND men.) Our ideal life would be living on a family farm so that our entire family could be centered in the home and that both my husband and I could be involved in the daily education of our children. Until that day, my husband works full-time and I’m working one afternoon a week as a ballet teacher and doing some freelance writing to supplement our income while keeping the home fires burning, homeschooling our preschooler, chasing our toddler, and soaking up our youngest’s babyhood.

But how do you survive on one income? Well, truthfully, we’ve never known any different. Our entire married life only one of us has worked full-time (at first we took turns doing college/grad school and then when our eldest was 18 months, I started primarily staying home). But we’ve learned a few tricks as our family has grown.

One of the ways we cut down on monthly expenses is to only have one car. In addition to honoring God’s earth by not wasting resources, there is the financial benefit of only one insurance payment, paying for maintenance on only one car, less money spent on gas due to carpooling, and the obvious: no second car payment. Having only one car isn’t an option for every family because of location and work schedules; however, here’s how we make it work for us:

Location, location, location:

When viewing homes to buy, we only considered houses in the center of town. We are walking distance (or almost walking distance) from: our pharmacy, our pediatrician’s office, a hospital, my midwife’s office, our favorite breakfast place, our parish, city parks, dentist office, Walgreen’s, etc. We are easy biking distance from my husband’s work, so he bikes or runs every morning and leaves me the car to cart the littles around. Another obvious benefit to short commutes to work and other frequent destinations is that you spend far less on gas than if you settled in the suburbs and had to drive 15-30 minutes to get anywhere.

 

Alternate Transportation:

My husband wins some points for awesomeness for successfully biking to the grocery store with our toddler and preschooler in tow with a biking trailer/stroller. Not your average grocery store trip, but to make the one-car life work, you have to be creative. As I said my husband bikes to work almost every day. Occasionally, he needs to run an errand or go somewhere during the work day that requires the car and we just plan accordingly knowing that we will be homebound. Some friends who are also rocking the one-car lifestyle, but have farther to travel to get to work or school, take public transportation or carpool to work with co-workers. Research what options are available to you. I was pretty inspired by this woman’s commitment to transport her six children only by bicycle.

Relish the Inconvenience:

Being a one-car family isn’t always convenient. It’s sometimes tricky to figure out how everyone will get where they need to go and occasionally we find ourselves in a bind because of poor planning. However, there is something really special about slowing down and working together to get where we need to go and it’s one of the many ways we can be a team. We spend far more time in the car together than we would if we had a second car to use which is definitely an added bonus.

Are you a one-car family? How do you make it work

I’m Trying Not to Be the “Just Wait” Mom

I am the mother of a newborn, a toddler, and a preschooler. When my friends who are first time moms tell me about their parenting challenges, two words try to creep to the tip of my tongue: “Just wait.”

When a friend says, “I just can’t take the baby to the grocery store, it’s too stressful!” What I want to say is, “Just wait. Try taking THREE kids to the grocery store! Taking just the baby to store feels like a vacation.” But I try to hold my tongue. Because I really, really don’t want to be that mom, the “just wait” mom.

When I was heavily pregnant with our second baby, our 2 year old, who had been sleeping in til 6:30am, started waking at 5am again every morning. It was toward the end of the pregnancy and I was just so tired from the third trimester insomnia, chasing a toddler all day, and trying to wrap my mind around what it would be like to become a mother of two. So, I told someone about how Benjamin was waking up so early and how I was just at the end of my rope. And she said, “Just wait! Just wait til that baby’s born. You’ll never sleep again. I can’t even remember the last time I slept past 5am!”

I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to snap at her or just burst into tears at her dismissal of my frustration and exhaustion. Because what she essentially communicated was, “You may think what you’re going through is hard. But it’s not. It’s not as hard as what I do.” Instead, what my discouraged little heart needed to hear was, “I’ve been there! That’s so hard. I’ll be praying for you.”

Sometimes, I forget what that felt like and I find myself becoming the “just wait” mom. But lately when those two little words try to escape from my mouth, I’ve been trying my very best to hold them in and give that first time mama what I wish I had been given: some encouragement, some sympathy, and some validation that yes! What you’re doing is really hard! I know what it feels like. Hang in there, mama!

Because the truth of it is, that transition from having no kids at all, to being a mother and having a little person need you every second of the day is beautiful, but brutal. Going from sleeping whenever you want to finding yourself at the mercy of a howling, hungry, tiny human at all hours of the night is painful. And when you’re struggling to stay sane through all of it, the last thing you need is someone telling you that you’re strolling down Easy Street compared to what they’re doing.

When you’re in the midst of the most trying season of motherhood you’ve experienced and someone tells you it’s just going to get harder, what could be more disheartening? And I have to remember that my first pregnancy was the hardest thing I’d ever undertaken. Then when my colicky precious newborn arrived, the exhaustion was the hardest thing I’d ever lived through. And then being pregnant while caring for a toddler, learning to mother two children, trudging through months of unbearable morning sickness with my third pregnancy while caring for two little ones….in each season I am pushed to my absolute limits. It is all the hardest. And it is all the best. And I never want to invalidate the parenting struggles of another woman who is also tackling the most difficult thing she has ever experienced with the insinuation that my lot is harder. And mamas, I think this motherhood thing gets a little bit easier each day that goes by. Not because the circumstances are easier, but because motherhood transforms me. It makes me capable of things I never thought I could do.

So bring it on. You mamas deserve a sympathetic ear and a word of encouragement. This motherhood thing is hard. But just wait, it will get easier. You got this, mama.

Preschooling at Home

I promised to follow-up our “why” we’re homeschooling post with a “how we plan to do it” post. And I thought I’d start out by addressing a great question from a reader who asked, “Why bother “pre school homeschool” anyways?…I might have a stricter idea of preschool homeschooling in my mind though, I really see formal preschool as something that could get in the way of natural play and development at that age.” I completely agree that “natural play” is what we should be going for. Children are natural learners and I aspire to encourage our preschooler’s natural desire to learn and grow through our “homeschooling.” Here’s how I feel about early homeschooling:

We’ve been “homeschooling” since Benjamin was born. We would read aloud to our fussy, colicky newborn during those loooooooooong sleepless nights: Peter Pan, The Iliad, and The Silmarillion. We read board books ad nauseum. We talked to our infant son, pointed out animals and plants, and explained what they were. And we’ve been answering those “What is that?” “Why does it do that?” “How does that work?” questions til we’re blue in the face. This is all part of our son’s education. The only reason we’re calling it “homeschooling” now is because he’s starting to be school age (3.5) and seems to be needing a little bit more structure to his days to prevent boredom. Basically, we want to offer him the resources to satisfy his seemingly insatiable desire to learn about the world around him.

We began by making some goals with Benjamin. We asked him: What do you want to learn about? We wanted to see where his interests currently lie. He told us that he wanted to learn about two things: “Space and Dinosaurs!” So, we ordered bunches of books from the library and are having a blast. (Our Space preschooling curriculum coming soon!)

Daniel and I also have some goals in mind for the year. We want him to do a little bit of pre-reading. He already knows all the uppercase ABCs and some of the lowercase but we want to spend more time getting familiar with the lowercase letters, reinforce what sounds each letter makes, and practice writing them. Benjamin is very interested in learning to read and will “read” aloud to himself books that he has memorized. So we want to offer him some resources to progress toward reading. However, if he doesn’t seem interested in the pre-reading activities we have in mind we will take a break and wait until he gains interest again.

We also will begin to do some learning together about our Catholic faith that follows the Christian Year. A friend gave me a great resource that is a curriculum for Home Catechesis for 3-6 year olds that looks perfect for Benjamin. It’s by Moira Farrell and is in the Montesorri tradition. I couldn’t find it on Amazon but you can find it here. Our first “lesson” will be setting up our family altar. We would also like to memorize more prayers with him. He has known the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be since before he turned two and he recently mastered the Bless Us, O Lord for mealtimes. But I think the Memorare, the Hail, Holy Queen, and the Prayer to St. Michael would be good ones to work on this year.

During read aloud time (which isn’t a set time at our house, just whenever Lucy is occupied or sleeping and I’m having one-on-one time with Benjamin) he asks to read our new library books about Space or ABCs. When he asks to be read something else, I obviously don’t say “no, we’re doing school now and that storybook isn’t on our syllabus!” I just try to use the library resources when the right moment strikes. If he doesn’t seem interested for a whole day (or a whole week), no big deal.

It’s also important to me to incorporate the visual arts and music into our learning (more on that when I explain our “lesson plans” for our unit on space.)

So, in our minds, “preschooling at home” is simply providing Benjamin with the resources to learn about what interests him, to spark his imagination, and to encourage him to develop skills that will help him learn to read when he’s ready. There will be a whole lot of the same activities we did last year: reading together, going to museums, going to the IMAX, playing outside, cooking inside, going to the park with friends, etc.

Do you have little ones learning at home? What is your vision for preschooling?

p.s. Thank you for your concern, love, and prayers for our little Benjamin! Your comments and emails are so appreciated. He is doing MUCH better. Breathing treatments are keeping his asthma under control and his terrible cough seems to be more from the little virus he’s been fighting off than because he’s struggling to breathe. His temperature is down and he’s back to his old tricks  So glad to have my sneaky, wild, always hungry boy back after a couple days of no appetite and lethargy

Preschooling

↑  Headed to school. (This girl does not like backpacks!)

Before she was born, Gui and I talked about sending Avienne to preschool when she was the right age.  We were certain we would send her to a French immersion school so she would be exposed to French as much as possible while we're living in the US, but the school we want send her to accepts students age 2 and older.  In fact, all of the schools we looked into start accepting children at age 2, but we were hoping to get Avienne started sooner than that.  She seems to be happiest when she's around other kids (what kid isn't?) and there's no denying the benefits of children learning to socialize with peers early in life.  I was starting to see Avienne becoming bored with our routines, and I honestly, started feeling a little inadequate in terms of teaching her new things and keeping her interest.  

So, I started searching around for alternatives to French immersion, and stumbled upon a Chinese immersion school that allows children to start at 18 months.  Avienne just turned 16 months, but the director met with us and after a trial class, she offered to enroll her right away instead of waiting a couple months.  Kids can go for as few as 2 hours a week, but we want to expose Avienne to the language as much as possible without burning her out, so we opted to start by enrolling her for 4 hours a week.  

I know it seems a little out of the ordinary to send Avienne to a Chinese immersion school when neither Gui nor I speak Chinese, but we see only positives to exposing her to a third language.  She just finished up her second week at the preschool (8 hours total immersion), and we already see that she can understand much of what her teacher says and can respond to "hello," "goodbye," and "thank you" in Chinese. 

But, as is with many first-time preschoolers, the hardest part is leaving her for those two hours.  Apart from when she's sleeping, Avienne has never been more than a couple of hours away from me (or Gui), and she's never been left with anyone but family when she has been away from us.  So, dropping her off at school has been a huge transition for both of us.  We have already seen some improvement, but I think it will be a pretty slow process. She loves being at the school and cheerfully marches through the doors and down the hallway, but she cries the moment we step into the classroom.  The last two days have been the hardest for me (and probably for her, too), but I know she is well taken care of.  She is the youngest in her class, but there are never more than 4 students, so she takes up quite a bit of attention right now.  I've tried to keep up a routine when leaving, but I really have no idea if it helps at all.

Avienne is waitlisted for a full-time French preschool when she turns 2, but our plan is to keep up with Chinese on a part-time basis so her exposure to it now will not be wasted. I think once she is able to go without missing me, we'll start to see more evidence of language comprehension. It astonishes me to see older students at the school speaking and responding to Chinese with ease - even babes as young as two!

Does your child go to preschool? I would love to hear any tips or advice on how to make preschool transitioning any easier.

7 TIPS ON HOW TO HANDLE ANGRY CUSTOMERS

Working in customer service can be easy and rewarding when someone calls with a compliment or simple problem to solve. However, some customers make it tough to keep your composure. When you are speaking rude or angry customers, it is a natural reaction for you to want to get angry in return—but you are at work and you cannot let that happen. Below are seven tips on how to handle angry customers without losing your cool.

1. Don’t Take It Personally

Although angry customers take their frustration out on you, they know that you did not cause their problem. Allow them to vent about their problem, but do not take it personally. Listen to their story without interrupting and then find a way to help.

2. Never Argue Back

It is natural for upset customers to express their anger, but some customers can take things too far and your reaction may be to defend yourself. However, as a professional customer service specialist, you should never argue back. Maintain your integrity and be the better person. If customers begin to abuse you verbally, let them know that you understand their frustration and that being rude will not solve their problem. Let the customer know that you are there to help, but you cannot do so until they calm down.

3. Kill Them with Kindness

If your angry customer refuses to calm down, then kill them with kindness. Be sincere, respectful, and understanding. Show sympathy for their situation and express empathy for their frustration. By keeping calm and controlling your own anger, you may find that your customer will ease up a little too. Try to make a joke to lighten the mood or share a story to show that you can relate.

4. Be Patient

Each person and situation is different, so be patient and understand that it may take a little longer for some angry customers to relax—and some may get angrier as the call orlive chat continues. Stay in control and try to direct the conversation to a happy resolution. Do not rush the phone call or live chat, but keep in mind that you have other customers to help.

5. Know How to Apologize

When the time is right, apologize to your customer. I know how difficult it is to be sincere when you are trying not to lose your cool, but for the sake of calming down your customer, try your hardest to give a genuine apology. Depending on the customer’s complaint and the direction of the conversation, there are a few different ways you can apologize.

• “I’m sorry you are unhappy with your purchase. Let’s work together to turn things around.”
• “I’m sorry you didn’t receive your purchase on time. Let me find out what I can do to make it up to you.”
• “I’m sorry you are so frustrated. I understand where you are coming from, and I will do my best to help you.”

6. Solve the Problem

Once your angry customer has finally exhausted his or herself, ask questions to gather facts on the problem. Work with your customer to find a resolution that satisfies you both or else you will go right back to where your conversation began. However, keep in mind that you are running a business and do not overcompensate for the customer’s complaint. The solution should be fair and justifiable for both parties.

7. Relieve Your Stress

End the phone call or live chat on a happy note and find a way to relieve your stress. Let your anger go away with your customer. Whether you take a walk around the office, drink a cup of coffee, eat a piece of candy, or vent to a coworker, do not keep stress cooped up inside you. If you do not relieve your stress, you will be a ticking time bomb waiting to lose your cool on the next angry customer—or even worse, your boss.

How Do You Handle Angry Customers?

Keeping your cool with angry customers is not always as easy as it sounds. Share your tips on how to maintain composure when dealing with an upset customer. Tell us a story of the rudest, most unreasonable customer you have helped over the phone or through a live chat.

7 Steps For Dealing With Angry Customers

Customers get rude or angry for a variety of reasons—some justified, some not. But since you’re in business to serve your customers, you’ll likely encounter rude or angry individuals at one time or another. How you respond can make the difference between a customer who feels satisfied with the resolution and one who vows never to patronize your business again.

Here are tips for coping with a tense situation and hopefully resolving it to everyone’s satisfaction:

1. Remain calm. When a customer starts yelling or being otherwise rude, there is nothing to be gained by responding in a similar manner. In fact, that will probably escalate hostilities. Maintain control of yourself, even if the customer’s tirade makes you feeling like yelling yourself.

2. Don’t take it personally. Remember, the customer is not angry with you, they are displeased with the performance of your product or the quality of the service you provide. Your personal feelings are beside the point.

3. Use your best listening skills. The first thing an angry customer wants is to vent. To do so, they need someone to listen—and, for better or worse, you are that person. Listening patiently can defuse a situation, as long as the customer feels acknowledged in his or her complaint. Hear them out. When they are done talking, summarize what you’ve heard and ask any questions to further clarify their complaint. Body language can be critically important here. Keep eye contact. Stand or sit up straight. Keep your arms uncrossed.  Show how closely you’re paying attention to their problem.

4. Actively sympathize. After the customer vents, he wants to know you understand where he’s coming from and how he or she feels. Express sympathy for their unpleasant customer experience. Respect and understanding go a long way toward smoothing things over.

5. Apologize gracefully. Whether the customer’s complaint is legitimate or not is really irrelevant. If you want her to stay a customer, you need to express an apology for the problem they are having (or perceive to be having). A simple, straightforward statement is often all that’s needed: “I’m sorry you’re not happy with our product. Let’s see what we can do to make things right.”

6. Find a solution. Once you understand why the customer is unhappy, it is time to offer a solution. Ask him what he feels should be done or put forward your own fair and realistic answer to the problem. In most cases, that’s all the customer is looking for—and may result in providing some degree of satisfaction.

7. Take a few minutes on your own. After the situation has been resolved and the customer is on her way, it’s helpful for you to take your own “time-out.” Even if you’ve handled the situation in the most professional way possible, it’s still a stressful experience. Rather than let that stress linger inside you, take a short walk, treat yourself to a snack or find someone to talk to who makes you laugh. Then you’ll be ready to once again