Television: babies and toddlers

Television might seem like a good way to settle a restless baby or a cranky toddler. It’s also an easy way to give yourself a break. But too much TV can have negative impacts for small children. Here are some ideas to help you find a balance.

did you know

According to research:

• TV and DVDs can’t teach toddlers complex tasks or language skills as well as real-world interactions with carers.
• Under-twos don’t understand the meaning of TV programs.
• The visual system doesn’t fully mature until children are three, so screen images are harder for young children to process.

TV time for babies and toddlers

Child development experts often recommend no TV at all before the age of two.

This is for the following reasons:

• Babies learn and grow best through interacting with real people, not people on a screen.
• There is no evidence that TV and DVDs support or enhance early learning.
• It’s harder for under-twos to get good visual information from the 2D images on a screen.
• TV distracts infants and toddlers from toy play, and other play that might be of more developmental benefit.
• If TV is used for companionship, comfort, distraction or to promote sleep and so on, it might become a habit in later life.

Check out our article on how children see TV. Recommendations about TV time make a lot of sense when you understand that children see TV differently from grown-ups.

Making the most of TV time

If you decide to let your baby or toddler watch some TV, it’s a good idea to put some thought into how your child interacts with the TV.

Toddlers enjoy programs more if you watch alongside them, and they will learn better if you are watching too. Watching TV with your baby or toddler means she can still get what benefits her the most – your responses to her and the world around her.

Choose some favourite programs that seem to interest your child, and watch only those. For example, babies and toddlers often enjoy simple and slow images found in programs such asIn the Night Garden, Boo Bah or Teletubbies. You could also buy some suitable DVDs.

When you’re choosing TV or DVD programs for your baby or toddler, it’s a good idea to avoid the following:

• progams and DVDs not specifically designed with the abilities of very young children in mind
• scary visual images and/or music: angry animals and monsters can frighten older toddlers once they are able to comprehend TV images. They might remember frightening images for a long time and can’t understand the images aren’t real
• advertising: babies can recognise logos and link them with exciting colours and happy sounds. But they can’t understand that ads are there to sell them something. You can avoid ads by watching stations without them, recording programs and fast-forwarding through the ads, or watching programs on DVD.

Limiting TV time for babies and toddlers

Try to turn off the TV when the program is over.

Having a TV on ‘in the background’ can reduce toddlers’ concentration on play activities. Play is important because it’s how children learn to work with objects, understand cause and effect, and interact with other people.

What about a TV in the bedroom? Most child development experts would say this isn’t a good idea. It’s better to keep the TV in a shared space.

Watching TV is a big effort for babies. It can make them really tired. In fact, if they’re not old enough to turn their heads away, some babies will become distressed. Toddlers also get tired from the effort of paying attention to TV – but many will just walk away!

Teaching children to be thoughtful TV consumers

Very young children, toddlers in particular, are old enough to see how you use the TV.

You can be a role model for using TV in appropriate ways:

• Try to minimise your own TV watching when your child is around. Let your child see you doing other things instead – listening to a CD or the radio, reading, working in the garden, going for a walk.
• Turn off the TV when you’re finished watching a program. Avoid having it on in the background.
• Keep family mealtimes TV-free. Make them a time for catching up and enjoying your food. This helps even very young children learn about socialising – and table manners!

What to do when the TV’s off

We know: the reality is that sometimes TV is just the easiest option. It can keep the kids entertained when you need to get dinner, talk on the phone, or just take a break for yourself.

Here are some ideas to keep young children entertained without turning on the TV:

• Music or story CDs are a good option for very young children. These can be less overwhelming than TV images and sounds. Check out Baby Karaoke – an animated storybook of popular children’s songs.
• Put together a special box of toys and objects that you bring out only at those difficult times of day when it might be tempting to turn to the TV. They don’t need to be expensive or fancy – just things your child doesn’t see all the time. For example, if you’re cooking dinner, your toddler might like to play with some wooden spoons and plastic bowls.
• Set aside a cupboard or drawer full of things your toddler can safely explore – for example, plastic containers, drink bottles and so on. Let your child get at the cupboard only when you need a break.

The best stimulation for a growing baby brain is a caring responsive grown-up – lots of holding, comforting, rocking, singing or talking. TV and DVDs can’t provide this responsive, emotional environment.

Positive attention and your child

Parents have hundreds of interactions with their children on an average day. What really counts is making the most of this time — showing positive attention and enjoying those daily moments with your child.

did you know

• Newborns are very interested in looking at faces or pictures of faces, and seem to prefer human faces over others.
• Babies learn by imitating. By watching how you react to people and objects, your child will learn about how to react in similar situations.

What is positive attention?

Positive attention is the way you show delight in your child and warmth in your relationship through:

• smiling at your child
• making eye contact and using caring facial expressions
• being physically gentle and caring with your child
• using words to celebrate and encourage your child
• showing interest in your child’s interests, activities and achievements.

You have opportunities to give your child positive attention in your everyday interactions together.

What children learn from positive attention

Right from the beginning, it’s critical that children have experiences and relationships that show them they are valued, capable human beings who bring pleasure to others. Positive attention, reactions and responses from key grown-ups help children build a picture of how valued they are.

A child’s self-image (or self-concept) is built over time with positive, loving messages from their mum, dad and other important people. A healthy self-image is very important, not only for a child’s relationship with others, but also for confidence as they learn about the world.

Children’s feelings of security and safety come from their interactions with parents and other grown-ups who care for them. When children are frightened, uncertain or faced with a new or unfamiliar situation, they’ll look to you for reassurance and support to feel safe and secure.

In some extreme cases, where parents are regularly distracted or unavailable to focus on their babies’ needs, babies can become distressed. Research has shown that if this happens over a period of time, beginning at infancy, babies as young as six months can show signs of stress.

Research has shown that parents who smile at their babies more, who are warm and pay lots of attention, have children who tend to show more of those kinds of behaviours themselves.

How you can show positive attention

From the moment they’re born, children are paying attention to what you say and do – and, perhaps even more so, how you say and do it.

Newborns
Even newborns are ready to relate, communicate and learn from everything and everybody around them. The more you respond and initiate communication with babies, the more they benefit. 

You can respond to newborn efforts to communicate by:

• comforting them when they cry
• smiling back when they smile
• responding to the sounds they make by saying something sensible (even when you’re not sure of what they’re trying to communicate!).

Babies, toddlers and older children
As your child gets older, your words and actions combine to give your child important messages.

• Be aware of how your child might interpret the look on your face or tone in your voice. Even before babies can understand and use words, they are sensitive to your tone of voice, gesture, facial expression and body language.
• Make the most of everyday activities. Bathing, nappy changing, feeding and dressing might seem like things to be endured, but these daily activities provide important opportunities for you to connect with your child in a meaningful way. For example, you might want to give your child cuddles and tickles while you’re drying her after her bath.
• Whenever you can, put aside preoccupations and planning, and get into the moment with your child. This could be as simple as squatting down to look at a caterpillar together, even if you’re in a hurry to get somewhere. These kinds of interactions don’t have to take up a lot of time to make a real difference.
• Look at your child, smile at him, show interest, pay attention and engage with him in positive ways. This all sends the message that your child is special and important.
• Focus on the positives. If you’re always correcting your child, or you seem unhappy, angry or distracted when you’re together, this sends the message that your child isn’t capable, valued or worth your attention. So before you correct your child, ask yourself: does it really matter? Is it really important or could I just let it go?

‘When a child walks in the room, your child or anybody else’s child, do your eyes light up? ... that’s what they’re looking for. When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. And so you think your affection and deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face ... Let your face speak what’s in your heart. It’s just as small as that, you see.’

Toni Morrison, novelist, awarded Nobel Prize for literature and Pulitzer Prize for American Literature

When it’s hard to be positive

It’s not realistic or even normal to be positive all the time. Children are quite capable of coping when their parents are occasionally insensitive, unavailable or distracted.

But when most, or even many, daily interactions are negative and distressing, or a parent is finding it hard to feel or act positively, this is frequently a sign of stressed parenting. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s worth seeking professional help and advice

Temper tantrums

Tantrums are extremely common in toddlers and preschoolers. They’re how young children deal with difficult feelings. It helps to avoid situations that trigger your child’s tantrums, and to have a plan for managing them. Hang in there – tantrums tend to tail off after children turn four.

did you know

Tantrums are very common in young children – one American study found that 87% of children aged 18-24 months throw tantrums.

• Tantrums: the basics
• The low-key approach to dealing with tantrums
• Dealing with persistent or severe tantrums
• Tips on staying tantrum-free yourself
• Tantrum statistics

Tantrums: the basics

Tantrums are extremely common among children aged 18-36 months.

They come in all shapes and sizes. They can involve spectacular explosions of anger, frustration and disorganised behaviour (when your child ‘loses it’). You might see crying, screaming, stiffening limbs, an arched back, kicking, falling down, flailing about or running away. In some cases, children hold their breath, vomit, break things or get aggressive as part of a tantrum.

The causes of tantrums include:

• temperament. This can influence how emotional children become when they feel frustrated. Some children just have more tantrums than others
• stress, hunger, tiredness and overstimulation
• situations that children just can’t cope with – for example, when an older child takes a toy away.

You’ll see fewer tantrums as your child gets older and better at handling bad feelings . Your child will also get better at communicating his wants and needs using words. But tantrums can go on – even into adulthood – if they become a reliable way for your child to get what he wants.

You can do a lot to make it less likely that tantrums will continue into the school-age years. The most important thing is to make sure you don’t accidentally reward your child’s tantrums.

The low-key approach to dealing with tantrums

This approach is suitable for very young children (1-2 years), or for children whose tantrums do not occur very frequently or very severely.

• Reduce stress . Tired, hungry and overstimulated children are more likely to throw tantrums.
• Be aware of how your child is feeling . If you can see a tantrum brewing, step in and try distracting your child with another activity.
• Identify tantrum triggers . Certain situations – shopping, visiting or mealtimes – might frequently involve temper tantrums. Think of ways to make these events easier on your child. For example, you could time the situations so your child isn’t tired, eats before you go out, or doesn’t need to behave for too long.
• When a tantrum occurs, stay calm (or pretend to!). If you get angry, it will make the situation worse and harder for both of you. If you need to speak at all, keep your voice calm and level, and act deliberately and slowly.
• Wait out the tantrum. Ignore the behaviour until it stops. Once a temper tantrum is in full swing, it’s too late for reasoning or distraction. Your child won’t be in the mood to listen. You also run the risk of teaching your child that tantrums get your full involvement and attention. 
• Make sure there’s no pay-off for the tantrum. If the tantrum occurs because your child doesn’t want to do something (such as get out of the bath), gently insist that she does (pick her up out of the bath). If the tantrum occurs because your child wants something, don’t give her what she wants.
• Be consistent and calm in your approach. If you sometimes give your child what he wants when he tantrums and sometimes don’t, the problem could become worse.
• Reward good behaviour . Enthusiastically praise your child when she manages frustration well

Encouraging good behaviour: 15 tips

Try these tips to encourage the behaviour you want in your child.

1. Children do as you do. Your child watches you to get clues on how to behave in the world. You’re her role model, so use your own behaviour to guide her. What you do is often much more important than what you say. If you want your child to say ‘please’, say it yourself. If you don’t want your child to raise her voice, speak quietly and gently yourself.
    
2. Show your child how you feel. Tell him honestly how his behaviour affects you. This will help him see his her own feelings in yours, like a mirror. This is called empathy. By the age of three, children can show real empathy. So you might say, ‘I’m getting upset because there is so much noise I can’t talk on the phone’. When you start the sentence with ‘I’, it gives your child the chance to see things from your perspective.
    
3. Catch her being ‘good’. This simply means that when your child is behaving in a way you like, you can give her some positive feedback. For example, ‘Wow, you are playing so nicely. I really like the way you are keeping all the blocks on the table’. This works better than waiting for the blocks to come crashing to the floor before you take notice and bark, ‘Hey, stop that’. This positive feedback is sometimes called ‘descriptive praise’. Try to say six positive comments (praise and encouragement) for every negative comment (criticisms and reprimands). The 6-1 ratio keeps things in balance. Remember that if children have a choice only between no attention or negative attention, they will seek out negative attention.
    
4. Get down to your child’s level. Kneeling or squatting down next to children is a very powerful tool for communicating positively with them. Getting close allows you to tune in to what they might be feeling or thinking. It also helps them focus on what you are saying or asking for. If you are close to your child and have his attention, there is no need to make him look at you.
    
5. ‘I hear you.’ Active listening is another tool for helping young children cope with their emotions. They tend to get frustrated a lot, especially if they can’t express themselves well enough verbally. When you repeat back to them what you think they might be feeling, it helps to relieve some of their tension. It also makes them feel respected and comforted. It can diffuse many potential temper tantrums.
    
6. Keep promises.  Stick to agreements. When you follow through on your promises, good or bad, your child learns to trust and respect you. So when you promise to go for a walk after she picks up her toys, make sure you have your walking shoes handy. When you say you will leave the library if she doesn’t stop running around, be prepared to leave straight away. No need to make a fuss about it – the more matter of fact, the better. This helps your child feel more secure, because it creates a consistent and predictable environment. 
    
7. Reduce temptation. Your glasses look like so much fun to play with – it’s hard for children to remember not to touch.  Reduce the chance for innocent but costly exploration by keeping that stuff out of sight. 
    
8. Choose your battles . Before you get involved in anything your child is doing – especially to say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ – ask yourself if it really matters. By keeping instructions, requests and negative feedback to a minimum, you create less opportunity for conflict and bad feelings. Rules are important, but use them only when it’s really important.
    
9. Whining: be strong. Kids don’t want to be annoying. By giving in when they’re whinging for something, we train them to do it more – even if we don’t mean to. ‘No’ means ‘no’, not maybe, so don’t say it unless you mean it. If you say ‘no’ and then give in, children will be whine even more the next time, hoping to get lucky again.
    
10. Keep it simple and positive . If you can give clear instructions in simple terms, your child will know what is expected of him. (‘Please hold my hand when we cross the road.’) Stating things in a positive way gets their heads thinking in the right direction. For example, ‘Please shut the gate’ is better than ‘Don't leave the gate open’.
     
11. Responsibility and consequences . As children get older, you can give them more responsibility for their own behaviour. You can also give them the chance to experience the natural consequences of that behaviour. You don’t have to be the bad guy all the time. For example, if your child forgot to put her lunch box in her bag, she will go hungry at lunch time. It is her hunger and her consequence. It won’t hurt her to go hungry just that one time. Sometimes, with the best intentions, we do so much for our children that we don’t allow them to learn for themselves. At other times you need to provide consequences for unacceptable or dangerous behaviour. For these times, it is best to ensure that you have explained the consequences and that your children have agreed to them in advance.
     
12. Say it once and move on. It is surprising how much your child is listening even though he might not have the social maturity to tell you. Nagging and criticising is boring for you and doesn’t work. Your child will just end up tuning you out and wonder why you get more upset. If you want to give him one last chance to cooperate, remind him of the consequences for not cooperating. Then start counting to three.
     
13. Make your child feel important. Children love it when they can contribute to the family. Start introducing some simple chores or things that she can do to play her own important part in helping the household. This will make her feel important and she’ll take pride in helping out. If you can give your child lots of practice doing a chore, she will get better at it and will keep trying harder. Safe chores help children feel responsible, build their self-esteem and help you out too.
     
14. Prepare for challenging situations. There are times when looking after your child and doing things you need to do will be tricky. If you think about these challenging situations in advance, you can plan around your child’s needs. Give him a five-minute warning before you need him to change activities. Talk to him about why you need his cooperation. Then he is prepared for what you expect.
     
15. Maintain a sense of humour. Another way of diffusing tension and possible conflict is to use humour and fun. You can pretend to become the menacing tickle monster or make animal noises. But humour at your child’s expense won't help. Young children are easily hurt by parental ‘teasing’. Humour that has you both laughing is great.

Moving to a ‘big bed

Moving to a big bed is an exciting step for your child – but there’s no hurry. Here are some tips to help your child make the move, when you’re both ready.

Most children move from a cot to a regular bed sometime between 2 and 3½ years. But there’s no hurry. There are even one or two advantages to leaving children in a cot if they’re happy there. Sometimes the shift to a bed brings a few new bedtime battles, and you might want to choose when you deal with these.

Children younger than two can become trapped between an big bed and the wall. This could cause suffocation, so it’s safer to wait until children are over two before moving them to a big bed.

Some reasons for moving to a big bed

• Your child might have started climbing out of the cot.
• If your child is toilet training, you might want your child to be able to get to the toilet easily during the night.
• You might have a new baby who needs the cot.
• You might have decided to move your child out of your bed and into a big bed.

If you’re moving your child into a big bed to free the cot for a new baby, try to move your child either a few months before the baby is born or when the baby is a couple of months old. This way your child won’t feel that the move is because of the new baby, which could cause resentment towards your child’s new brother or sister.

Making the bedroom safe

When children move from a cot into a big bed, they can also get out of bed more easily. This means they can do whatever they want in their bedrooms.

A safety check of the bedroom will help to prevent accidents. Things to check include:

• windows that open to the outside – if your child’s bedroom is on an upper level, climbing out could cause a serious injury. Install safety locks so the window can be opened only a little, and make sure the gap is not big enough for your child to climb through
• curtain and blind cords – these could strangle your child
• electrical appliances and heaters
• stairways – you can fit child-safety guards so your child doesn’t fall down the stairs in the dark or when drowsy.

Helping your child settle in

Here are some tips for making a successful transition from cot to bed.

• Tell your child how proud you are. After all, moving into a bed is an exciting step towards being an independent grown-up!
• Tell your child all about the plans to set up the new bed – and make sure he knows it’ll be fun!
• You could get your child to help you set up the new bed. If it seems like a fun idea, take her shopping to choose the bed or bedding. Let her watch while you move the furniture in the bedroom. Children feel happier if they’ve had a say in the move too.
• Why not throw a big-bed party and celebrate the move to the big bed?

Using a new ‘big bed’ routine

Moving your child into a big bed can be unsettling. A new bedtime routine might ease the transition.

• Have ‘quiet time’ before bed. Pack away toys and prepare the bedroom as a place of quiet rest, rather than somewhere exciting.
• Encourage your child to climb into bed if possible. Also, when children can pull up their own bedcovers and arrange soft toys and pillows the way they want, they sometimes feel more settled. Pillows are still dangerous for children under two, as they’re a suffocation risk.
• Let your child take a blanket from the old cot – this might help him feel more secure and comfortable.
• Say goodnight. Tell your child what you expect and what’s going to happen next. Say something clear and positive like, ‘It’s time to go to sleep – see you in the morning!’ This can make bedtime seem less scary.

Dealing with coming out of the bedroom

• Immediately help your child back to bed.
• Say, ‘It’s time to go to bed – see you in the morning’. Then leave the room.
• Repeat this process until your child stays in bed or settles

Nutrition and fitness: the basics

Here are some guidelines and practical tools to help you ensure your children eat the right amount of good food, keep fit, and stay healthy.

• Five basic nutritional needs
• Foods to avoid
• Too much eating or not enough?
• Seven tips for happy mealtimes
• Exercise for children
• A special note about screen time

Five basic nutritional needs

If you have the following five areas of nutrition covered, you can’t really go wrong:

1. Protein builds bodies and keeps children strong and healthy. Try peas and beans (any kind, including frozen baby peas and canned baked beans), eggs, fish, chicken, meat, milk, yoghurt and cheese.
2. Vegetables and fruit contain nutrients and fibre important for a healthy body, inside and out. The more colourful, the better. Offer your child broccoli, green beans, carrots, sweet potato, tomatoes, spinach, and cucumber (with skin). Also try colourful fruits such as peaches, apricots, pears and apples. (Wash fruit and leave the skin on.)
3. Starchy carbohydrates provide energy.The more fibre they contain, the slower they burn. Try fibre-enriched bread, wholegrain rice, couscous, pasta, corn bread, pancakes and low-sugar cereal.
4. Good fats with long-chain polyunsaturated fatty acids build brain and nerve cells. These good fats are found in fish (tinned or fresh), avocado, and vegetable oils such as those made from olives or canola. Try to avoid deep frying in these delicate unsaturated oils. Read more about good and bad fats.
5. Tap water is the cheapest and best source of fluids. Most tap water is fortified with fluoride for strong teeth.

Foods to avoid

Foods high in salt, sugar or caffeine (found in cola drinks): children’s systems can’t handle these foods. Also, soft drinks and fruit juice are expensive, high in sugar and bad for teeth.

If you want to offer fruit juice, always mix it half and half with water. Limit daily juice intake to 150 ml for children aged 1-6 years, and 240–360 ml for children 7-18 years.

Fast foods and junk food: these foods include hot chips, potato chips, doughnuts, biscuits and cookies, cakes, chocolate and sugary sweets. They are low in fibre and nutrients and high in sugar and/or fat. The fat in most of these foods is the less-healthy type, including trans fat. Just say ‘no’ if your child asks for these foods. Instead, let your child get hooked on good snacks, like grated or thinly sliced carrot and sweet baby peas served frozen in a cup.

It’s fine to offer dessert at the end of a meal – sliced fruit is the healthiest option. If you want to serve something special, go for vanilla ice-cream or banana bread. Save the seriously sweet stuff, like chocolate, for special occasions like birthdays

Toddler safety: in a nutshell

To watch your toddler all the time, you’d need to grow eyes in the back of your head. Some sensible safety rules will do the trick instead.

• What to expect
• Home safety
• Choking risks
• In the bedroom
• In the kitchen
• In the bathroom
• Out and about

What to expect

Toddlers are full of energy and curiosity, and love testing out their new climbing, walking and running skills. Your toddler might fall a lot, even on flat surfaces. This is because he still has a large, heavy head in proportion to his body – he’s just learning how to be steady on his feet.

Toddlers experiment with everything. For example, it’s not unusual for toddlers to poke things into their own or another child’s nose or ear, and sometimes these things get stuck and cause irritation and infection. In fact, until they’re five or six, most children don’t understand the dangers and are still learning that actions have consequences.

The good news is that your child will gradually start to understand if you keep reminding her of safety rules. Now’s the time to start teaching.

Supervision is the only reliable way to prevent accidents. Your toddler needs your constant vigilance to stay safe. But by removing sources of danger, you can also give your toddler the freedom he needs to explore.

Home safety

The best way to toddler-proof your home is to get down to your child’s level and look around. What can you see down there that might be dangerous? To avoid constantly telling your child ‘no’, just remove anything you don’t want her to touch.

Start teaching your child where he can and can’t go in the house, and what isn’t safe to touch. Put up barriers to areas where your child might be at risk – for example, safety gates at the top and bottom of stairs and on balconies to prevent falls, and guards around fires and heaters to prevent burns.

Here are some other ideas to help you protect your child:

• Toddlers love to climb, so secure your furniture, especially bookcases and TVs.
• Keep chairs away from windows and balconies so your child can’t climb up them.
• Turn off space heaters when you leave the room.
• Curtain tie-backs and window blind cords are a strangling hazard. Remove them or hook them well out of reach.
• Teach your child not to slam doors and to keep fingers out of the hinge-side. You can read more about safety around doors and hinges.
• When you make a well-deserved cup of tea or coffee, keep it away from little fingers.
• Install a safety gate at the top of stairs, and teach your young child to come down the stairs backwards.
• Turn down your hot water system to 50°C to prevent scalding.
• Keep a well-stocked first aid kit, and keep it out of your child’s reach.
• Check your fire alarms regularly.
• Deadlocking doors when you’re inside the house stops you getting out if there’s a fire. Only use the deadlocks when you’re away from home.