When you were a young child, you were pure love. You were happy, alive, and free, but you were born into a world that suppresses this state. As a result, you got hurt and you got hurt a lot.
As a little child, the only way you could explain these painful losses of love was to blame yourself. In a moment of hurt, you created the belief that you were worthless, not good enough, a failure, not worth loving, or in some other way, not okay.
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This wasn't the truth, but to a little child, this was the only explanation that made any sense at the time. You then hated the very belief that you created. "No one can ever love me if I'm worthless. Worthless is a horrible way to be."
Without knowing, you created a core issue that would then sabotage the rest of your life. From that moment on, the underlying focus of your life would be to avoid this hurt. You may never notice this hurt, but it is certainly there. It determines your actions and shapes your life.
Any circumstance that reactivates this hurt is subconsciously considered to be a serious threat and must be avoided at all cost. To protect yourself from this perceived threat, you automatically fight, resist, hang on, and withdraw.
This creates a state of fear, upset, and tunnel vision. It destroys your ability to find solutions and it forces you to act in a way that sabotages your life. It destroys love and creates opposition and resistance against yourself.
Every area of your life that isn’t working and every self-sabotaging behavior can be traced directly to the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this hurt.
Finding and healing this hurt is one of the most important things you can ever do. The first step in the healing process is to find what your hurt is.
Identify the hurt
To find the hurt that runs your life, look for the words of “not okay” that hurt the most. Are you worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, or a failure? Were your parents right about you?
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While you are looking, remember that you are not looking for the truth. You are looking for an emotion. It is physically impossible for you to be worthless or not good enough. These are only judgments. They do not exist in reality. They only exist in our mind.
You can search all over for a not good enough, but you will never find one. If you did, what color would it be and how much would it weight? A surgeon cannot go in and pull out a worthless.
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So, don’t look to see if this is true about you. It’s not. Instead, notice how painful it would be if it were true. The more painful this would be, the more it runs your life. Look for the words of “not okay” that hurt the most. Look for the emotion.
Make sure you read the following:
Heal the hurt
This hurt is like a dragon that we run from. But the dragon never causes us any harm. The dragon doesn’t cause any harm because the dragon doesn’t exist in reality, it only exists in our mind.
All the harm is caused by the things we do to avoid facing the dragon. It’s the fighting, resisting, hanging on, and withdrawing that sabotages our lives.
To have the dragon lose power, do the opposite of what gives it power. Instead of fighting it and running from it, own and embrace it.
Once you face the dragon, you discover on an experiential, heart level, that the dragon is an illusion and has no teeth. The moment this happens, the dragon loses power. Instead of the dragon having power over you, you have power over the dragon.
