How to Quiet the Committee in Your Head

Do you ever experience the committee talking in your head?

This is when you are mulling over an event that happened and it’s like full court is in session. Your mind starts talking back and forth with itself with “What about this?” “What about that?” “You should have said this instead?”

Sound Familiar?

It’s exhausting! AND it’s a complete waste of time.

Nothing gets solved and it gets me all wound up emotionally. There were times when I couldn’t get to sleep because I felt as if six of me jumped in bed with me to continue the internal conversation in my head.

There were years that I didn’t even realize I let the committee take hold in my brain. It was just how I let inner turmoil rule my life. Once I realized it, I knew I needed to take steps to adjourning the committee forever.

It took work and perseverance, but I did it!

I would love to share the top technique that works for me and the women I coach. The most rewarding part about having the committee adjourned is the ability to make good decisions and make them quickly.

The first step is you need to recognize that your committee is in session.

I will then close my eyes … unless of course, I’m driving! I then visualize a wire hamster wheel with a little guy running in that wheel as fast as his legs can carry him. My visualization comes with sound of a squeaking wheel I can hear. I watch that hamster run for about 5 seconds.

Then I visualize myself putting a stick between the wire rungs that brings the wheel to a screeching halt. I then visualize in slow motion that hamster hitting the side of the wheel and sliding down to the bottom. I can’t help but smile anytime I think of it.

The entire visualization takes 15 seconds and will completely adjourn the committee.

The idea is to an interrupt to your thinking pattern. I have a girlfriend that instead of using a hamster wheel, she likes to visualize herself holding a big bouquet of helium balloons and mentally letting them go slowly one by one outside in a park.

Whatever that pattern interrupt you need to do is, that is what you need touse anytime your committee decides to hold session in your mind.

Would love to hear suggestions on pattern interrupts, please comment below.

What I found and my clients do as well, that the frequency of the committee coming into session becomes less frequent until one day they notice that it has been weeks or even months since the committee was in their mind.

For me, it has been years. It is empowering to know that I have the ability to change my thinking patterns to what works for me

Do You Leverage the Power of Silence?

Silence can be a powerful tool when used correctly. It shows strength in knowledge, confidence and patience. It is a strategic tool that can serve you well when applied.

Women on average speak 3 times the number of words a man does in a given day. So, it is not surprising that women typically have a harder time with silence; we like to jump in and fill the void.

At the office, we’ll jump to safe topics such as weather or weekend plans. This is easily seen when people are coming together for a meeting. Before the meeting actually starts, observe that men are okay with sitting in silence and the women often times are the ones who break the silence. I am not suggesting that we all clam up and not socialize; what I am talking about is awareness.

I think the most powerful part of silence is in a meeting where choices are discussed and decisions made. Typically I am not the first one to toss my opinions out on the table or the first to counter someone else’s opinion. I will sit in silence until towards the end of the discussion and will state my viewpoint.

Having stated that, I will tell you there are topics I am absolutely passionate about and am the first one to speak up … but I intentionally don’t have that be my default mode. There are meetings I go to that I don’t share any opinion because it frankly in an area of the company that is none of my business.

We all know people who feel the need to share their opinion at every meeting they go to and as soon as they open their mouth people cringe, reposition themselves in their chair or become absolutely fascinated with their laptop inbox.

I don’t know about you, but that is not the reputation I want for myself in meetings. So, I observe people’s body language when I speak to ensure I’m not becoming long-winded or way out there on my viewpoint.

Awareness is the key to learning the power of silence. Observe those in positions of power at meetings and notice when they enter the conversation … typically you’ll see them jump in after the discussions have been going awhile. Note that this is the culture of your company on how best handle yourself in meetings

Are You Hearing What You Need to Hear?

A few of my friends got together for coffee one morning this past week before work. A girlfriend sat next to me and you could just feel the aura around her that vibrated “I am in a crappy mood”. Pretty sad when it’s 6:30 in the morning and you are already in a bad mood.

I asked her how she was doing and she said “I’m in a shitty mood, I woke that way.” I told her she can press restart on the day at any time.

As we all started sharing about what’s going on in our life, my friend piped up that she was there to restart her day before heading off to the office. And she just shared what’s going on her life.

The funny thing is that she doesn’t really have much going on outside the normal day to day activities she’s doing. She can’t point to one thing and state “That is why I’m feeling crappy”, she just feels crappy.

And that is okay!

What is not okay is to wallow in crap. Recognize it, acknowledge it and move on.

The simple act of just talking about your frame of mind … and note that I said talk not whine … will serve you wonderfully to adjust your mood. The other thing to do is to listen to others about what’s going on in their lives.

I know for me it’s hard when I’m internally focused on my crap to sit and listen to someone talk about what’s going on their life. Queen Baby starts pouting “What about me! What about me!” It shows up as impatience when I interact with others.

If I sit, listen and be present to what is going on in the lives of others, I get out of myself and inevitability I will hear what it is I need to hear.

As we all finished our coffee, my girlfriend’s mood was turned around and she stated “This is exactly what I needed to press restart.”

What she heard that did it, I have no idea and it doesn’t matter … she heard what was meant to be heard and she acted on it.

Can you press restart on your day? If so, I would love to hear what techniques you use

Work Is To Be Enjoyed, Not Endured

People get stuck in ruts and they stop growing personally on an emotional, mental and/or spiritual basis. I see that frequently when working with women who feel stuck in their jobs or careers.

Humans have a tendency to stay with what is comfortable versus moving outside their comfort zone. Even if a current job situation is miserable, we elect to stay in what we know versus what we don’t.

We will come up with all sorts of excuses for why we don’t take the leap to invigorate our career and more importantly our lives. I’ve heard it all. I will wait until my husband gets a new job; I’m going to wait until my kids graduate from high school. No one wants to hire a mid-life woman.

Face it, these are excuses for fear. Fear paralyzes us into doing nothing.

So, what does it take to move us?

I’ve been in jobs where I felt emotionally dead. I absolutely dreaded going to the office day after day. And guess what? We are not meant to live that way. Our jobs should be joyful and fulfilling because that spills over into our lives outside the office.

I finally decided to take the leap of faith where I needed to step outside my comfort zone. Depending upon different places in my career, I have done what I needed to do to get a new position, promotion or transition to a new company.

My faith came when I began working with other women who had successfully walked the career advancement path before me. They gave me hope that I, too, could have an incredible life just as they did if I followed their guidance.

When I finally made the decision that I wanted to live my life and not just endure it, inner peace came. I knew I was making the right decision for myself. I immediately had a spring in my step because I was breaking free of my rut.

What I know today is that I don’t want to be stuck in that rut again. Today, I continuously challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone. When I do, it is a fulfilling growth experience. I have done some amazing things in my life because I am willing to put myself out there.

My journey has enabled me to pass on what I have learned to other women to challenge them to reinvigorate their career. I want women to have the jobs of their dreams and love every minute of their lives.

I would hope by the example of my living that others see the hope that their lives can be better and take the leap of faith. If you are ready for that leap and need to chat about it,

Women Breaking Through the Glass Ceiling

My inbox has been filling with career breakthrough’s women are having.

Most people don’t know this, but I often feel shallow that I’m always talking promotions. The truth is, though, that a promotion isn’t the main goal, CONFIDENCE is. Good decision making is the key to access that confidence.

So how do you start making better decisions?

You start by not insisting that your limitations are real, because they aren’t.

Every problem is solvable. Some people understand that and do the work and the ones who don’t struggle!

Right now we are helping people like you do the work in my Glass Hammer Club. It’s our six month program that leads women into career breakthroughs.

Look for yourself!

Barb Crawford left a career-ending job after 25 years for another company; two promotions in 3 years!

Susan Levy promoted to Sales Manager, increased commission and 10% base bump.

Trish Hall assigned to lead multi-million project after 3 months in Glass Hammer Club.

My point is that you don’t have to do career advancement the hard way. You don’t have to do it alone. There is a way to access confidence in just 6 months!

However, you do have to invest in proper mentorship to make it happen.

I know money may be short but it’s not going to get better unless you problem solve your way into a better life

Top Sign You are Resisting the Flow of Life

The company I work for was acquired just prior to Christmas last year. We knew the reason for being acquired was to allow the parent company to expand into a market they had no experience in. Although it was expected that the parent company would put some of their people into various spots in our organization, by in large our management team would stay intact. Given the landscape of acquisitions this is a pretty good deal; they are not coming in to do a slash and burn.

For me, since Day 1, I’ve seen nothing but opportunities for employees at our company since the parent company is so much larger than we were. We bring what they desire which is true global presence and an expertise they don’t have in many areas.

However, not everyone sees the opportunities. There is a sizable group of people who are ready to flee our company because of fear.

Life is about change. The question for you is: ‘Are you going with the flow of life or are you resisting?’

Resistance shows up differently. Fear is the number one emotion I see right now in my company in regards to resistance. And people are reacting with either fight or flight. What I find so surprising is that people assume bad things are going to happen, but there are no facts to support that viewpoint. Is there going to be change, I state ‘Yes’. We will be growing as an organization.

Instead of welcoming change and sitting in ambiguity for a while … people in flight mode are choosing to leave the organization and jump to another organization they really know nothing about. Then there are the camp of people who are in fight mode. They are resisting change every inch of the way. They are the naysayers and often up to their ears in the gossip circles. What is sad is many of them are fulfilling their prophecy of having this be a negative experience because chances are they will not be on the short list of promotions as we start expanding and positions are added.

Although my example is of my current circumstances, I’m sure you can see parallels in your experiences. When life changes in unexpected ways, we have a tendency to project a train wreck and the excuses and deflections immediately come up.

Going with the flow of life does not mean you bury you head in sand like an ostrich. It means that you accept what you cannot change and instead oflooking at the situation negatively, look for the proverbial silver lining. Because that fact is IT IS ALWAYS THERE.

It is our decision as to whether we will focus on negative or positive. If we really own the negativity … we will NEVER see the opportunities because we’ve effectively blocked that out of our field of vision.

It takes faith to go with the flow because of the ambiguity. What I have come to understand is that if I continue doing the ‘next right thing’ in my life and move forward amazing things happen when I live in the flow.

How Discipline Permits Me to be in the Flow of Life

I am in a disciplined woman. There was a time in my life where I would have shuddered at the thought of that word being applied to me. To me, discipline meant being rigid and unyielding and so I resisted anything around discipline.

The result was my life was stagnant. Not that I was unhappy; I wasn’t. But I knew that my life was meant to be lived in a bigger way. I started observing successful people and their habits.

What I came to realize is that self-discipline is a core value that successful people live by. When I started putting discipline in place in my life, I discovered that I didn’t understand what discipline was at all. Instead of being hand-cuffs it is Freedom.

Discipline is what puts structure in my life so that I live with optimum health. Discipline is what has allowed my career to excel and enjoy the fruits of my labor. Discipline is what keeps my vision and passion alive in my life.

Traveling to London this past week, my daughter and I lived in the flow of life. We knew the sites we wanted to see, but only preplanned one activity and that was purchasing tickets to see Phantom of the Opera live.

The result was us indulging in activities that I would have never considered if preplanning each day. Shopping in London designer stores and thoroughly enjoying the English tradition of Afternoon Tea is what entertained us for the one day of rain.

Did the disciplined life stay at home? Not entirely. Our exercise routine changed from gym and dance to running up and down stairs in the underground railway system and LOTS of walking around town. Our financial discipline stayed in place, we stayed in our budget.

For the most part we ate reasonably well, although my daughter was determined to try every English dish she had ever heard of. Sleep … well that was an interesting one. With the time difference our sleep patterns were definitely off a bit; but we did manage to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night because that is what our bodies were accustomed to.

Heading back home we were both commenting about how we had so much fun; but at the same time looking forward to getting back into the rhythm of our schedules. I’m grateful that my daughter is learning self-discipline at such a young age and she ‘gets’ that discipline is true freedom.

I Hate Getting Called on my Crap

The crap we all have is what holds us back. That crap can be in the form of limiting beliefs, irrational fears or worthiness, to name a few. I do find it ironic that as humans we spend decades accumulating our crap and then we can spend decades getting rid of what we accumulated.

My crap is what gets in my way of living on purpose. I don’t know about you, but I want to live on purpose because for me that means freedom, joy and a deep sense of inner peace.

That’s the life I want to live.

There was a time when I read countless books from self-help to business books. I’ve tried to pray and meditate my crap out of me and countless other ways. Some worked, most didn’t. A few years ago I realized I was improving at a snail’s pace and I was frustrated.

I realized I couldn’t do it alone anymore.

I hired a coach who helped me break through my crap.

On one of our coaching calls, she absolutely nailed me on an area of my life where I was holding back but couldn’t see it. What she said stung and that’s because I know what she said was right. She pointed out an exact incident where I let resistance .. aka fear … hold me back. For me, it was a blind spot I couldn’t see because I am too close.

The truth is, if I want my life to expand and breakthrough my crap, I need for someone to objectively look at my behaviors and tell it to me kindly. A book can’t tell me about my blind spots or limiting beliefs … I need someone to shift my thinking in a way only a coach can.

My 25 Year Dream Came to Fruition This Week

It is funny how dreams can be forgotten. 

I was in my late twenties when I had my first international business trip. I was to travel to our UK office in Bracknell located outside of London. I tacked on an extra day of travel just so I could see the wonders of London.

I was so mesmerized by Buckingham Palace, St. James Park and the Abbey. As a young businesswoman, all I could think of was “YES, I have made it!My career is taking off.”

During my business travel, my host was gracious enough to take me Windsor for dinner. We had a chance to walk by the gates of Windsor Castle just prior to closing time. My host commented it was too bad we didn’t get there sooner because the tour was lovely.

I can tell you the village of Windsor was quaint, lovely and I made a promise to myself to visit the castle in the future. This past week I toured Windsor Castle with my 15-year old daughter.

That is not the remarkable part of the story …

The remarkable part is that the dream of visiting Windsor died in me years ago. There was a time in my life were everything was at a dead-end. ALL of my dreams had withered up and died. I was an empty woman going through the motions of life.

It wasn’t until I made the shift from reacting to life to living intentionally that my life turn around. To embrace life with joy versus shrinking back from life in fear; I have come to step into my authentic power. Through that my life has expanded and my career accelerated.

As my daughter and I were waiting on the rail platform for our train to Windsor, another train caught my eye. As I watched the electronic sign state the stops that train was traveling to … my dream came back full force as I saw ‘Bracknell’ displayed.

To be honest, it wasn’t until that moment that I realized that I was living the dream that I promised myself 25 years earlier. When the train arrived in Windsor and we were walking up to the castle, I started sharing with my daughter what I remembered from 25 years ago and the excitement of a young businesswoman.

The tour was amazing. The rich history, artwork and gardens were breath-taking. After the tour, we took lunch with a huge window view of the Castle.

Gratitude is the only word that can describe what I felt that day. Grateful to have broken through my fears and limiting beliefs to be where I am in my professional life, able to afford a luxury vacation. Grateful to be sharing that dream with my daughter.

Most of all, I am grateful to be sharing my techniques with other women who have seen their lives expand and live their forgotten dreams.

What dreams do you have locked away in you?

Are you ready to live them?

Who is Draining Your Emotional Energy?

We all have people in our lives that have a tendency to drain our emotional energy. It may be a co-worker, boss, family member or even a friend.

What I have come to understand is that everyone wants to be loved. People do not come into our lives purposefully to drain us emotionally. We allow it to happen. I see two aspects of how this happens.

The first is self-love. There is a direct correlation to the level of care I give myself to people’s ability to emotionally drain me. If I have not been taking care of myself my emotional battery is running low. When this happens it does not take much for anyone to suck out any remaining energy I have. The result is that I am emotionally wiped out. I am exhausted.

What I have discovered is that when I make myself a priority by taking care of myself, I am filling up my reservoir with self-love. Imagine yourself standing in a lake. As you are taking care of yourself you are filling up with self-love. Once filled, your love spills over into the lake. When people come to you looking for love, give from the reservoir that is the lake.

As you become more in tune with your self-care needs you will intuitively know when your lake reservoir is running low. The idea is never to let your reservoir dry up. Therefore, self-care must be a daily practice to keep your Self and reservoir filled with love.

The other aspect that I see that can drain a self-love reservoir is when boundary setting is not executed well. There will be people in your life who are selfish and self-centered. The love they are looking for is not a mutual love; they latch on to others and drain them.

These are people who require boundary setting. This doesn’t mean to push them away or out of your life, although for some that may be the only answer. What it means is that you don’t allow them to drain your reservoir and you. Think of a lake dam and you are in control of the outflow of love from your lake. The control of the outflow is boundary setting; it is a learned skill that can be executed from a place of love.

What I know is that I must be intentional about carving out time every day for self-care. It is only through taking care of my needs first that I can truly give from a place of love.

Your Happiness is Your Responsibility

‘I thought I’d be Happier’ was a statement from a client about six months after she landed her dream job. Even though we had been discussing that happiness is an ‘inside’ job, she was certain that once she landed “the job” that would catapult her into happiness.

How often we rely on external events, things or people to ‘make’ us happy. We say ‘Life will finally be good when _____ happens.’ I’ve seen it with life events such as a new job, marriage, or a new baby. When I was married, it was when we buy the house, make a certain level of income or when we go on that next vacation.

The events come and go and we may experience a brief period of happiness, but then we settle back into the same old yucky feelings.

So how do you become Happy?

Happiness is a by-product of being comfortable in your own skin and optimal living. My personal journey of self-discovery began about twelve years ago when I realized that I needed to take steps to change the woman I had become. I was resentful, angry and viewed my glass as half empty. Life was not good and I certainly was no fun to be around.

When I started addressing the root causes of my negative viewpoint, I came to the realization that other people, things or events wouldn’t make me happy. I needed to make changes in my life to move me from being negative to being positive. In short, I needed to take responsibility and the ownership that my happiness was my job, not someone else’s.

No one wants to hear the reason why they are unhappy is because they made that decision. I came to the realization that I needed to make better choices on how I live my life, and my life began to change once I took ownership.

One of the happiest people I’ve known was my grandmother. She passed away just shy of her 102nd birthday. Her husband had passed about 15 years earlier and she lived in her hometown where none of her children lived anymore. Living the closest, about 150 miles away, I would visit her several times a year.

She was such a great example of how to age gracefully. She could have chosen to live the final years of her life in resentment and anger towards children and grand-children for not living close by. She instead chose to embrace the community that lived in her retirement home and formed new friendships. She passed with peace in her heart and a happy woman.

Each morning you awake you have the choice as to whether you’re going to live in happiness or in misery. But it doesn’t stop there, throughout your day you continue to make the choice. This can be challenging if the day events don’t unfold as you would like; but remember the choice is always yours to make