For the past few weeks, I've been compiling ways in which my two-year-old has made me feel like an idiot. The problem with my compiling method, is it consists of me saying to myself, "Oh, I have to remember this for a post about how Mazzy makes me feel like an idiot!" and then promptly forgetting all about it.
I'm sure if Mazzy was in charge of "compiling", I would have a full list at the ready— labeled, organized and printed. But as it stands, I have to make due with my own head. And as my two-year-old can tell you, my own head doesn't count for much.
Here are just seven of the ways Mazzy has outsmarted me:
1. She knows better than to believe everything she reads.
Mazzy's favorite thing to do is point at things and ask, "What's that?" It's less about her finding out the answer and more about testing Mommy. In one of her books there is an illustrated reference to "Poochini, the famous Italian composer" (pictured left).
"What's that?" Mazzy asked.
"It's Poochini, the famous Italian composer", I replied, taking the book for its word.
Mazzy corrected me matter-a-factly, "No, it's not. It's a dog playing the piano."
Yep, babe, you are right, I don't know what I was thinking.
2. She possesses a superior ability to identify non-mainstream animals.
We were in a toy store and Mazzy was looking at a selection of animal miniatures. I told her she could pick one. She narrowed her options down to two.
"Do you want the giraffe or the tiger?" I asked innocently.
"That's not a tiger. It's a jaguar."
"Oh... I think you're right..."
(I blame Diego.)
Then, a few nights later, we were reading a book which contained drawings of different animals. She pointed to one and said, "What's that?"
"It's a chipmunk," I said.
"No, it's not. It's a beaver."
I looked closer and realized she was right. Telltale flat tail perfect for building dams. Add that to the jaguar debacle and I've probably lost her faith forever.
3. She knows how to interpret rules to her advantage.
We went to a carnival where they had a few holes of miniature golf set up. Mazzy had never played before but took a club and ball excitedly. I walked her over to the first hole and she hit the ball willy nilly all over the green.
"The winner is the one who gets it in the hole first," I explained.
"Oh," she said and then picked up the ball, walked over to the hole and dropped it in.
4. She's bilingual.
When our nanny arrives at 8am, that's usually my cue to jump in the shower. Last week this conversation happened:
"Eat breakfast with me, Mommy?"
"I can't sweetie, I have to take a shower and go to work."
"You're sucio, Mommy?"
I thought she was speaking gibberish. But our nanny informed me that Mazzy was actually speaking Spanish. Sucio means 'dirty'.
"You're sucio! I'm limpio!"
Limpio, apparently, means clean.
By the way, I took French and totally sucked at it.
5. She already understands the birds and the bees.
Over the weekend, I took Mazzy for a walk by my mom's summer house. We stopped to admire some flowers.
"Look Mazzy, there's a bee eating the flowers."
"No, the bee is eating the pollen."
I swear, I don't even know when or where the word 'pollen' ever entered this girl's vernacular.
6. She knows how Corporate America works without ever having a job.
The other morning, Mike had a conference call at home so he locked himself in the bedroom.
"Where's Daddy?"
"He's on a conference call."
"I have a conference call, too."
"Oh really. For what?"
"For work. I'm having a meeting."
"Uh-huh. And what are you going to talk about?"
"We're going to talk about our computers."
And that's how Mazzy trivialized every possible career choice, in one simple sentence.
7. She knows how to kick me where it hurts.
I have a habit of calling Mazzy "Babe" or "Baby". "Time for dinner, babe!" "Hey baby, it's time to go to bed..."
The last time I said it, she turned to me and said plainly, "I"m not a baby because I can talk."
I think that sums it up right there.
